It’s not everyday you get to see your name published in a book, but we all have to start somewhere. To anyone that has ever been cheated on, I know what its like to feel like a worthless piece of shit. I hope you realize, none of it is true. Below is my first published piece. I hope someone out there, can find some comfort in it.
I truly apologize for not being able to love you the way you had hoped. Our inability to communicate how we felt played a part, but it still gave you no right to fuck someone else behind my back. You may have satisfied a need in the moment, but you left a twelve-inch gash that would remain for years.
It took me a long time to realize that it had nothing to do with me, but everything to do with you. The lies, the deception, the betrayal. I give you credit for living a double life. I have had a hard-enough time living one.
Want to know the trail of destruction you leave behind?
Well for starters, you leave us seeking answers. The why’s, how’s, the when’s. We chase hoping that you’ll change your mind. You’ve made us feel so low, that we’ll call, and call, and call some more just to hear your voice. We think we’re not good enough. We think we’re worthless, that we’ll never match up to anyone’s standards. We don’t sleep, we can’t eat, and constant thoughts of him/her touching you, ruminate through our mind. We feel nauseated, we shake, we cry, we come so close to death, without actually experiencing it. There’s an actual hole that you leave behind in our chest. We can feel the cold winds blowing through it.
You’re able to take any innocence we once had, douse it in gasoline and set it ablaze.
We slowly lick our sounds. It may take years, or even decades to recover from. It’s even possible that another person will walk in, then out of our lives, and leave us with something we once lost. We’ll eventually recover, we ar resilient little bastards.
You on the other hand get to live with your choices the rest of your life. You get to live with the guilt and the shame. You get to live with always wondering what life could’ve been like. You see you made us stronger, you made us wiser, you made us softer. You made us yearn for a love far greater than what you read about in books or see in the movies. You made us realize what we don’t want in our new partner.
At some point the newness of your relationship will wear off, it always does. THe chemicals in your brain will wear off, you won’t have that fuzzy little feeling anymore, that tingling inside of you. You will think about us. You’ll wonder how we are and what we’re doing. Maybe, just maybe, you’ll even think about if there’s another chance for us to ever be again.
We’ve moved on though. We roam in new forests, seek more valued treasures, and venture to new lands. Without you, we would’ve never seen the darker side of love.