i still feel what i feel …

ask me how i am
and i may just lie to you
because in this society
it’s much easier to say i’m OK
than to say no i am not
its easier to believe in sunshine
and rainbows
than it is to believe in
ghouls and ghosts
some days i need a hand extended
words to be spoken to me
an invite
a hug
a touch
i can do most of this on my own
fuck, i have
but still there are days
i need to hear an active heart beat
a gentle voice
a reminder
that people out there
are still listening

do i feel these words today, i don’t know ask me. would you believe me? have i felt these words before, yes. are there days i still feel these words, yes. they just don’t feel as strong as they once did. there was a time i needed someone/anyone to help me through the dark. i wrote and i shared, i shared and i wrote. i trudged along through the muck and the fog alone. a few brave souls were listening, lighting a torch along the way. i’m not going to be one of those people who write about how strong and independent i am. how i need no one in this life other than myself. how i can walk this earth the rest of my life alone, and be fine with it. my heart desires someone to share it with, but to share it with just anyone would be foolish. god, the universe or whomever you believe looks down upon us wants me to do this thing on my own right now and for the most part i’ve accepted that, but i’m still human. i still feel what i feel and have my days i just want someone there. someone to share my dreams with, someone to hit the road with, someone to wake up next to and say “you’re it” instead of “maybe you’re it.” until that day and most definitely after i’ll keep writing, because i honestly believe it’s the only thing connecting me to the thing i most desire …

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