meet me where i need you to …

it’s during moments of self reflection, that i find myself making the most progress. being open and vulnerable again with people hasn’t come easy. i can trace my timeline back to a period where i shared my thoughts and feelings with others, a time when being open and honest only caused me heartache. how does one protect themselves from feelings of hurt, embarrassment and rejection? we take the easy way out, and slowly shut down. we play it cool and say it doesn’t bother us, when deep down, it really does. i’m at a period in my life where i need people to keep their word. i need someone to show me, yes i’m different. my life has been scattered with people who haven’t and i’ve allowed others to dictate how they treat me, rather than teaching others how i’d like to be treated. i take words to heart (if you couldn’t tell by my musings) and as much i’d love to wake up one day cloaked in a suit of armor, it’s never going to happen, nor do i want it to. so where do i begin? by keeping my word to myself first. by always expressing how i feel, by letting others know if you can’t meet me here (platonically or romantically), then its best we go our separate ways. by listening to words, but observing their actions. no ones perfect, including myself, and i allow humans to be human, but the problem is i’ve always allowed humans to be human for too long. i’m not stupid, i know when i’m wanted and i know when i’m not and maybe sometimes i try a little too hard, but it only comes from a genuine spot. no one will ever be able to scare me away, but now you can certainly push me away. i’ve worked on myself for too long, and turning around to crawl back into that shell is not an option. at the end of the day this may turn 95% of the universe off, but it’s not about them anymore. its about the 5% of the universe who finally says, i get you and i’ve got you …

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