evolution of a healing heart …

what if i told you that i used to date someone who often broke plans with me, to pursue other activities? what if i told you that i used to tell her how much this hurt me, yet she continued to do it? would you tell me that i was stupid and should’ve just walked away? would you tell me to get over it already? back then i had no idea what boundaries were. i had an inkling of my needs, but they were quickly silenced. this was my first love and for better or worse, i was going to make it work. eventually it would end, but i’d carry the wounds of that relationship for some time and still do to an extent today. someone being unavailable to me has never been the issue. we all live very busy lives and it’s just how the world works today, but the problem has always been people making themselves available, only to become unavailable. shit happens, i get that, but when it becomes a reoccurring theme, it takes me back to a pretty stirring time. i used to think that repeated exposure to an experience would eventually make you numb to the outcome, but just like fire, if we keep playing with it, eventually we’ll just keep getting burned. so i had to ask myself, why does what seem like such insignificant things to others, seem so significant to me? well i had to step back into my past to find the answers. present day, i’m all about living in the moment, living in a flow state, but there are times i like the structure, i like the security. balance is such a big key to me in life, and finding that 50/50 split hasn’t been easy. so when someone breaks plans with me repeatedly, it goes much deeper than just someone being unavailable. at a human level i can rationalize it, but at a cellular level everything starts firing again. i truly believe that people not only can break us, but they can also heal us. it doesn’t start with them though, it starts with us. it starts with us recognizing patterns that are detrimental to our growth and our ability to move forward. it starts with us finding ways to reverse the uncomfortableness, that we’ve become so comfortable living within. it starts with us healing ourselves first, so we then can begin to heal each other ❤️ …

🎨: @decade2doodle

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